“A few months back, I was asked to participate in a debate on the topic of whether men should have to pay on dates. (I was “the feminist.”) It turned out that the male debater and I didn’t really disagree much on that topic. I said that, generally, whoever asks the other person out pays for that date, and then at some point couples generally transition into sharing costs in whatever way works for them. He was actually pretty happy to pay for first dates; he just wanted women to say thank you and to not use him. I had no problem with that.

I think he said that women should offer to pay half, knowing they’ll probably be turned down. I said, well, sometimes — but what if the other person invited you someplace really expensive? What if you agreed to a date with the guy and he spent an hour saying crazy racist shit to you and you felt like you couldn’t escape? This is what led to our real disagreement.

The male debater felt strongly that if a woman wasn’t interested in a second date, she should say so on the spot. If the man says, “Let’s do this again sometime,” the woman shouldn’t say, “Sure, great,” and then back out later. I said that that was a nice ideal, but that he should keep in mind that most women spent most of their lives living in low-level fear of physical aggression from men. I think about avoiding rape (or other violence) every time I walk home from the subway, every time there’s an unexpected knock at the door, and certainly every time I piss off an unhinged man. So, if I were on a date with a man who I felt was unbalanced, creepy, overly aggressive, or possibly violent, and he asked if I wanted to “do this again sometime,” I would say whatever I felt would avoid conflict. And then I would leave, wait awhile, and hope that letting him down politely a few days later would avoid his finding me and turning my skin into an overcoat.

The male debater was furious that I had even brought this up. He felt that the threat of violence against women was irrelevant, and that I was playing some kind of “rape card” as a debate trick. He got angrier and angrier as we argued. I also got angrier and angrier, although I worked hard to keep speaking in a calm and considered way. He was shouting and cutting me off when I tried to speak. I pointed out that the debater himself was displaying exactly the sort of behavior that would make me very uncomfortable on a date. THAT made him livid.

He then called me “passive-aggressive.”

I was genuinely taken aback. “Actually,” I said, “I call this ‘behaving myself.’” It’s a lot of work to stay calm when you’re just as furious as the other person, and that other person is shouting at you. I felt that I was acting like a grownup — at some emotional cost to myself — and I wanted credit, not insults, for being able to speak in a normal tone of voice when I was having to explain things like, “We can’t tell who the rapists are before they turn violent, so sometimes we have to be cautious with men who do not intend to harm us.”” Bullish Life: When Men Get Too Emotional To Have A Rational Argument (via brutereason)

(via zlot)



SETH [Bug in disguise]: Sugar…
ASSISTANT: Mr. MacFarlane, your face is — there’s an antenna coming out of your eye –
SETH: Give me…sugar…in water.
ASSISTANT: Oh, Christ, it’s getting bigger!

She flees the room, screaming.


a day in the life of Seth MacFarlane, human male





Everybody I know is having kids, so I made this helpful guide to nature names for your baby.

lazybeautiful you should send this to your friend

(via clobberona)



I have found this year to be the year where a lot of my friends are getting serious about their lives. You know, they call me up, they say serious things like, "Aziz! You’re not gonna believe it! I just had a baby!!!"
And I always have the same reaction. I always go:

(via absurdical)


day 1 (2) - a journey into dirtiness

hokay, so (forgot that was in my memory still… wow feels like 2003… when i was a freshman in high school…) i went to the store (bc i go to the store for my boyfriend and i since he doesn’t drive and works 8-5 and i just just finished school so i’m free during the day ANYWAY I’M A FEMINIST LAY OFF whatever okay this was irrelevant nobody cares if i go to the store—my boyfriend cleans the kitchen and cooks more, so there. balance.) and bought the coconut oil, fresh baking soda, and corn starch so i could make some deodorant (i started to smell after like fifteen minutes post-shower when i wrote that last post about this stuff, which is really more for my own record than anything, and realized that absolutely nothing in the pits isn’t gonna cut it). i used this recipe:

1/4 cup baking soda

1/4 cup corn starch

4 tbsp. coconut oil

a bunch of drops of essential oils (like 5-10 of each or more depending on how you want it to smell. i used eucalyptus and lemon since that’s what we had around—we usually put them in the humidifier when we’re sick or want it to smell nice)

i got the recipe from here  and here (they’re pretty much the same, the first just gives an amount of coconut oil so i followed it directly). 

GUESS WHAT! it smells like lemon frosting. it smells sweet but not super sweet and a little herby but not super herby and a little lemony but not super lemony. it smelled like lemon frosting before i even added the lemon oil so i just added a couple drops of that to enhance that. 

my armpits smell like… nothing really. like have a little bit of a smell like something but it’s not a BO smell. and i’m SUPER sensitive to smells and constantly terrified of smelling bad so this is hard for me to do. i have work tomorrow at the library where i’ll be shelving and moving pretty much constantly so we’ll see how it holds up after that. 


(Source: rabdeer, via fairytalesandfrills)

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